They say that the only thing that is constant in life is change. Motherhood will change you in many expected and unexpected ways that are difficult to fathom. As a mom of three teens, I feel somewhat qualified to share how this journey has changed my attitude and outlook towards life.
Changing priorities
Having children changes your priorities in life. From lofty ambitions of building a career and growing a real estate portfolio as a single person you suddenly find yourself more focused on the here and now of getting your child to his doctor’s appointment and changing diapers. It also changes the centre of focus from you to your child. While it can sometimes feel like you are losing your identity, the sacrifice is well worth it. And when you think about it, this will last only so long. Sooner than you think you will have an empty nest and have all the time in the world for new pursuits and personal growth.
My body will never be the same again, and that’s okay
It is a fact that pregnancy will take its toll on your body. Most women never quite get back to the same size and shape of body as they had before kids. I am several sizes up from my college days, but I would not have it any other way. I used to pay a lot of attention to the style of clothes I bought and how they looked on me. These days I am more focused on comfort rather than being the centre of attention whenever I walk into a party.
The desire to outshine others has long faded and I am okay with that. I have come to love the new curves and with changing priorities have lost much of my vanity. Not to say that moms that take extra effort to look good are getting it wrong, just that for me, accepting who I am now has made me happier and more confident in my own skin.
No time for fear
The awareness that time is short is never clearer than when you are a mother. The amount of multi-tasking involved in managing a household with kids can be mind-boggling. With all the activities you have to juggle from day to day, you suddenly develop the most amazing time management skills that would rival any corporate planner.
Gradually you just get better and better at finding time for new activities even when you already have a full day planned. Reminds me of the times my kids let me know a project is due tomorrow when they had a whole week to get it ready. This kind of management makes moms more willing to accept that life can be unpredictable and that where there is a will, there is a way. You may not always be prepared like a boy scout, but solutions can be found if you look hard enough.
Imitation is not always flattery
When you are single you do not have to worry about what impression you are making with others when in the privacy of your own home. It matters more when you are with others like at work or with your partner. But on your own, you are free to spend the entire day in pyjamas and eating junk food without a care in the world. When you become a mother you have to be more conscious about the impression you are making on those little eyes that follow your every move.
I have long learned that every time I grimace when eating broccoli or washing the dishes, I am setting an example my child will follow. It was not long after my firstborn that I realised that what I did not like, he did not either. And this was because he learnt his likes and dislikes from me. With motherhood comes the need to be more careful about how you react to things and behave in the presence of your child. Having a more positive or neutral reaction to things I dislike has in some ways also altered my attitude about them.
Patience is key
The road to parenthood can be tough for many moms. More so when troubles start from the point of conception. Even arriving at the decision to finally visit a fertility clinic in Bangkok was highly stressful and stirred up emotions of fear, embarrassment, and desperation. Some couples like us are lucky enough to conceive on the first try, while others require several rounds. There are no guarantees, but if you want to win the grand prize, you will need to be patient.
And patience is a virtue you will find very helpful as you raise your kids. There are so many little and big ways through which your child will exasperate and frustrate you. Learning to keep a calm mentality and letting things go will serve you well through life. Throughout pregnancy, birth and motherhood, you will find yourself becoming a better version of yourself.
Judge not
Walk a mile in my shoes is more than just an Elvis Presley song. The challenges of motherhood have made me less judgemental of others. Before I had kids I had a lot of opinions on how others were raising their own. Then I got to walk in their shoes and realised how tough it can be and that making mistakes is par for the course.
While a lot of this is focused on not judging other parents, I like to think it has also affected my outlook when it comes to other areas like my career and social interactions. You can never fully know what is happening in another person’s life that is causing them to behave a certain way. So rather than point fingers and judge them, why not consider how you can help them. We all go through crazy situations from time to time and even a fleeting kindness from a stranger can do much to turn the tide.
Growth is evolution
Motherhood is an ever-changing process. How I handle my teens now is different from how I cared for them as toddlers. The demands, attitudes, and responsibilities change as they get older, and each one is a different personality I have to figure out how best to parent. I am continually learning and tapping into all kinds of sources for advice including Google, my parents, teachers, and other chaperoning moms.
It is somewhat amusing to have another mom turn to me for advice when I sometimes feel like I do not quite have full control of the reins in my own household. But with each day, month, and year, I do learn new things and stash that knowledge away in a corner of my mind. And at the most surprising moments, I find myself in a position to actually offer good advice. Motherhood will take you on a journey from learner to teacher giving you the confidence to help other moms become better.
