When you go through a divorce, it can be a very disrupting time and adapting to being a single mother can be very hard. However, this will largely depend on how much support that you had from your ex-spouse before the divorce and you may actually find that you have more time to yourself following the divorce, when the kids stay with your ex.
So, do not be too worried about becoming a single mother until you see what it actually turns out to be like, but here are some tips for coping after divorce:
Base decisions on your child’s welfare
There will be a lot of change that your kids have to experience and your top priority should be to ensure that you support them as much as possible. Arguing with your ex in front of them will cause them additional upset, so try to avoid this.
Also, when you are making decisions such as deciding where a child should live, this should be based on causing as little disruption as possible. Ideally, your children will remain in the same home and attend the same school, so that they are not dealing with too many changes at once.
Find out about financial support
As a single mother, you may be entitled to some financial support such as Government benefits and child support from your ex. Make sure that you research all of your options if you think you might struggle financially as a consequence of the divorce. You can speak to the Family Welfare Association or Citizen’s Advice if you need some advice and help in finding out what you might be entitled to.
Take care of yourself
As well as making sure that your children are well taken care of, it is also very important to make time for self-care. To be able to emotionally support your children as well as possible, you also need to be in a position where your mental health is as good as possible. So, try to make time to socialise and do not feel guilty about having some ‘me time’.
Build a support network
If you think you might struggle to cope with having the children on your own more often, then you need to try and build a good support network. If you have family and friends who can help out, then do not be afraid to ask for help. As well as giving you some extra time to get things done, your children can benefit from building relationships with other people.
Make plans when kids are not at home
Newly single mums can often struggle when their kids go to spend the night at their ex spouse’s, as this can be the first time that they are away from them. If you are worried about this, try to make lots of plans and stay busy, so invite friends over, join a group or find a new hobby.
Stay positive and think about the future
If you are feeling low after your divorce, remember that this is only a temporary feeling. Try to stay positive and think about how your situation can change in the near future. For example, you might lead a much happier life in the future, whether that is meeting someone you are happy with, or enjoying single life. When you feel upset, try to talk to someone close to you about how you are feeling and get emotional support when you need it.
These six tips should help you to make those first steps after divorce as a single mother but even if you are not feeling positive about the divorce, time will help you to improve your life and get to a better place emotionally.
