I remember when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. The feeling of excitement, uncertainty, the worry, the amazement. I was a bundle of mixed emotions and raging pregnancy hormones. I can’t even begin to imagine the stress you might feel if you were going through the divorce process while pregnant. Strangely enough, as I mentioned in one of my previous articles, my mother went through a divorce with my father when I was three, what I didn’t mention, was that she was pregnant with my younger brother. The stress she mentions and the heartache were almost unbearable, but she made it through. She’s a wealthy businesswoman, and both I and my brother are successful and happy individuals with families of our own.
So, what I’m trying to say is, don’t give up. You can fight and get through this, even if it seems impossible. You might have so many questions, such as:
- What will it be like filing for a divorce while pregnant?
- Can I file for a divorce while pregnant?
- How will I cope with going through a divorce while pregnant?
- What can I expect while going through a divorce while pregnant?
Hopefully, we can answer some of these questions and set your mind at ease.
Here are 8 things you need to know about going through a divorce while pregnant.
1. Check the laws of your state.
It’s interesting to note that some states do not allow for you to get a divorce while pregnant, so it would be good to first check the laws in your state to see if you would be allowed to file for divorce. Other states might allow you to file for divorce but you might not be allowed to actually get a divorce officially until after the birth of your child.
2. You need to find an excellent lawyer
According to hg.org, it would be exceptionally beneficial to find a lawyer who practices family law as well as divorce law. This will help things run smoothly and can help save you extra stress. A good lawyer will also explain your rights and will help you find the best means to commence with your divorce.
3.What about child support and custody arrangements?
Another reason why some states do not allow for divorce while pregnant is because of the issue of child support and all the fees included in having a child.
As per completecase.com’s experience, there might even be issues with the paternity of the child. Therefore some states will only allow for a divorce once your child has been born. You also wouldn’t want to go back and redo all the paperwork and have to redo custody arrangements. It would be wise to seek legal advice when seeking a divorce while pregnant to find out exactly what the law states and how to go about filing for a divorce. Therefore it would be wise to speak to your lawyer to discuss custody arrangements and what the law says about child support.
4.Finances while being pregnant and getting a divorce
Finances can be a very stressful thing while pregnant. You also need to think about if you will be able to support yourself and your child on one income. Will your spouse pay child support, as well as help with all the finances while pregnant; Your OB visits, baby goods and so on? Finances can be a very stressful and overwhelming thing to think of but it’s important to do so.
5.Chat to your spouse about a co-parenting plan
If your spouse is still in the picture and you are still amicable, try to talk about a way to co-parent your child. Discuss custody plans, and speak about how you can still raise your child together, even though you are divorced. Remember your child will always be part of you and your spouse, therefore in a way you will always be tied together, if you can for your child’s sake, find a way to work together. I sometimes wish my parents were more amicable during their divorce, as I felt so torn between my parents as a child. So if possible and if circumstances allow, try work together amicably. Communication is key during this stage. If you are not on friendly terms, get your lawyers involved to discuss these issues together, to come to an arrangement that would be best for your child.
6.Discuss Custody before your baby is born
According to alllaw.com, mothers usually are granted custody of their babies. Especially during the first few weeks of life. This will also be a good time to discuss the early months of visits with your partner. For example, if you decide to breastfeed your baby, you and your partner will have to come up with a schedule, when it comes to custody and breastfeeding. Or what to do when your baby is with your spouse, pumping out your milk and bottle feeding your little one, when they are with your partner is also an option.
7.How to cope with stress
When you are pregnant, it is so important to surround yourself with friends and loved ones who can offer you encouragement and support. Pregnancy is an incredible time but there is a lot of stress involved too, especially if you are filing for a divorce. Your hormones are raging, you might feel sad one minute and happy the next. Make sure, you are not alone. Perhaps if possible, move in with someone you trust, or let someone move in with you, whether it’s family or a close friend. In this case, you can also separate from your husband, if divorce is not allowed while pregnant in your state. Another good thing to do would be to see your doctor and tell him that you are thinking of filing for a divorce, he might be able to offer you safe medication, that can help you while you are pregnant to cope. If you can, seek counseling. Having someone to talk to about how you are feeling, can help a lot. Having someone hear you out, might be all you need to be able to cope. It would also be helpful and comforting to find someone, like a close friend, to go with you to your OB visits, your lamaze classes and to help you shop for baby. This will help you not feel as alone. Ask for help from family and friends or even paid help. If it makes your life less stressful go ahead. Whether you need someone to babysit your other children, cook or clean for you, don’t feel bad to ask. Being pregnant is exhausting, and that’s without the stress of divorce. Try to carry this attitude over as well for when your baby is born. The first few months of having a little one can be intensely overwhelming, you will need all the help you can get and don’t feel guilty for asking for help.
8. Would you consider giving your marriage a second chance?
If there is any hope of perhaps salvaging your marriage, perhaps give it a try, if you both feel there might be a chance for reconciliation. Try couples therapy. It has worked for many couples. Maybe once your baby is born you and your partner might see things differently. Maybe once you see the little human being you created together, your feelings might change towards one another.
At the end of the day, getting a divorce while pregnant will be very stressful and will have its challenges. Only you will know what’s right in your heart, for you and your family. It’s impossible to write about every situation, as to why you would want to get a divorce while you are pregnant, but you will know what the best thing to do is. Always remember that whatever you decide, you will also now have a beautiful little miracle to think of. And you mean the whole world to that little miracle, mama. Whatever the reasons for your divorce, you will find the strength to pull through and be the strength your baby needs. Divorce is a big decision, regardless of whether you are pregnant or not. So really sit down with your partner and have a serious heart to heart.
I am a product of a broken home and I turned out okay, so did mom and my brother.
“Everything is going to be okay in the end, if it’s not, it’s not the end.”
