It can be tough to maintain good relationships with teenagers. Our teenagers desire autonomy and the ability to make their own decisions. But as much as our children desire to be in charge of their lives, we, as parents, must provide guidance and be an authority figure. Although a child may believe they are mature and know everything, a lack of life experience can impede them from making good choices.
Spending Quality Time Together
When our children become teenagers, hanging out with Mom and Dad becomes much less cool. Reinforcing family structure, however, can help provide a sense of stability for our teenagers, as well as a potential channel for them to confide in us if they are struggling. Quality time could include family meals (no TV or cell phones), shared tasks, board game nights, or volunteering. Quality time can also look like taking an interest in something they are enthusiastic about, such as a music group they enjoy or a video game they love to play. Any way we can make our teens aware that we are involved in their lives will help them navigate being a teenager better. Whether it’s music, movies, fashion, or sports – there’s always something to do if you are looking for ways to connect with your middle schoolers.
Understanding If Our Teens Are Struggling
Furthermore, the more time we spend together, the more likely it is that we will be able to identify if our teen is being themselves or is struggling with something in their lives. To be there for our teens, we must first understand all the challenges they might face, including learning about teen personality disorders as well as how anxiety and depression manifest in teenagers.
If our teens are suffering, they are likely to be confused and fearful. They may not even be able to articulate what they are experiencing and may act out in unusual ways. We need to be able to tell when they are not being themselves so that we can determine if they need extra support, such as going to a therapist. If we can listen to our teens’ struggles and show that we will always be there for them, it can make a big difference.
Setting A Good Example
We don’t need to be saints, but it certainly helps for teens to look up to their parents as role models for their own behavior. Often, this means that we must be open when we are struggling, so that our teens know that we understand what they are going through. This might mean discussing how we use therapy techniques such as mindfulness, acceptance, or problem-focused therapies when we are experiencing strong emotions such as anger or fear. If our child sees us willing to ask for help when needed, they are more likely to feel comfortable asking for help themselves.
Setting Boundaries
We may have a young adult in the house, but we are still the main adult, and we need to make sure our child knows that we are the one who sets the limits. Not providing boundaries can lead to teens going into adulthood with the disjointed sense of having too much freedom. Experts underlined the necessity of allowing teenagers to open up while not absolving them of responsibility for their actions. This often looks like clearly communicating boundaries.
For example, we could tell our teenager that their curfew is midnight and that we expect them to be home by then. We might add that if they are unable to arrive home by that time, we anticipate receiving a phone call explaining why they will be late. If this is not the case, they will be grounded for one day for every 30 minutes they are late. We might also explain that we set this boundary because we are concerned about them when they are out late.
Showing Our Teenagers We Care
It’s vital that our teenagers feel loved and supported by us, whether it’s by making a special lunch for them or sending them texts “just because.” We must emphasize that we love them unconditionally. We must also always be respectful. We should never, no matter how gently, make fun of our teens and should always avoid using derogatory language or put-downs. Teasing like this can harm a teen’s self-esteem and make them feel uncomfortable and unsafe at home, which is the last thing we want as a parent.
