As you move through pregnancy and head toward your baby’s arrival, the most often overlooked period of time creeps ever closer — the Fourth Trimester, otherwise known as Postpartum Recovery.
For months, everyone has been focused on the present: how you’re feeling, how the baby is growing, and how you’re trying to get in one last vacation before adding a member to the party. The farthest down the road you’re regularly talking about is the event of birth and delivery itself.
But pretty much right after that happens…
It begins.
The Big Game. The fourth trimester. The postpartum period.
As postpartum care professionals, we find that, much like people plan and prepare for their wedding much more than they do actually being married, folks also tend to focus on becoming parents, rather than being parents.
But don’t panic. You’re preparing now, just by reading this blog!
What is a Postpartum Support Squad?
Community care is vital to all people who create and care for babies, but this isn’t something we are overtly taught in school. Below you’ll find some effective ways to create and nurture a postpartum support squad. At Happy Family After, we use a self-care framework called ROPES, which features a holistic look at your postpartum needs.
R – Relationships
O – Occupation
P – Physical Body
E – Environment
S – Spirit
5 Essential Parts to Postpartum Support
1. Relationships:
This segment encompasses all of your relationships, not just your romantic one(s). We love counseling and find that beginning counseling before you give birth helps to add some major support to the postpartum period by helping parents communicate with each other. Adding a roommate overnight would throw ANY household for a loop. Counseling ahead of time and through the throes of the fourth trimester can help a ton.
Creating a list of boundaries and discussing expectations with family members ahead of time can help people in your life show up for you in ways that really help. Conversely, it can be tricky indeed to manage the emotions of excited and well-meaning but potentially clueless family and friends. Help them help you! (More on that later.)
2. Occupation:
If you are going to need to be away from your work outside the home for any period of time, discuss exactly what your job needs from you prior to your departure and get someone in your company to be your point person so that a half dozen people aren’t contacting you about TPS reports as you’re checking into Labor & Delivery or expecting deliverables from you as you’re up all night pumping.
If you work in the home and have other kids, do your best to figure out now who will be helping you as you acclimate to the new babe. It can really help to have hard and fast rules to this (Grandma will be here every Thursday, our neighbor will take kids to swim practice Saturday mornings, etc) so that you aren’t continually doing the labor of assigning those recurring tasks.
3. Physical Body:
Even before your baby arrives, you can get working relationships in place and establish baselines that make getting the support you need during postpartum quicker and easier. Consider this list, which can be really helpful in the postpartum recovery process as well as navigating life with a newborn:
- Pelvic floor therapist
- Licensed massage therapist
- Reiki practitioner
- Acupuncturist
- IBCLC (highly-credentialed lactation support)
- Registered Dietician
Consider hiring postpartum doula support, which provides you with support for all aspects of ROPES, including the practical assistance of being a capable, extra set of hands with no agenda — dutiful and proactive assistance.
4. Environment
One thing we love to suggest to parents-to-be is to make a list of how people can help you when they come over. Remember earlier when we said well-meaning (but unfortunately clueless) adults require help to help you? Well, this list is your golden ticket! If helping you looks like tidying up, put some chores on the list that you can handle other people doing. Remember that people will not do things the way you would do them, and that’s ok for this period of time. Laundry will get clean, the dishwasher will get loaded, dinner will get made. Just think how much more supported you would feel if every guest who visited made one tiny gesture to move the needle?
Here are a few ideas:
- Taking out the trash and replacing the trash bag
- Walking the dog or playing with the cats
- Vacuuming or wiping down counters
- Starting or flipping a load of laundry
In addition, consider your cultural heritage when setting up your postpartum nesting space. Some groups and ethnic cultures have specific and time-honored traditions for birth and the period after. For instance, la cuarentena is a practice in much of Latin America wherein a person who has given birth is loosely “quarantined” to bed and cared for by family and friends for a period of about forty days.
5. Spirit:
Even the least spiritual folks we know have a bit of a reckoning after they become parents for the first time. Something about the creation of life really jogs the soul and creates a sense of wonder that wants to be shared with others.
If you already have a spiritual or religious community, like a church or synagogue, be in touch with the elders and clergy. Most especially if these folks have children themselves, they know the wave of joy and fear and wonder that is about to pull you under, and they’re all too happy to support and guide you through that crashing wave.
6. Nurturing Your Baby’s Comfort:
Having a happy baby equals a more relaxed and less sleep deprived mom. We all want that for both of you. Another way to help your little one feel safe and secure in this new world is to invest in high-quality, soft essentials like organic baby apparel. Made with natural, sustainable fibers, organic baby apparel is not only gentle on your baby’s skin but also supports their comfort during this important developmental period. Organic fabrics reduce the risk of irritation, provide breathability, and allow your baby to stay cozy without harsh chemicals. These clothing items quickly become favorites because they’re as soft as a hug — perfect for sleepy snuggles.
Trusted Postpartum Doulas Who Respect Your Wishes
Preparing for birth is really important. Just like training for running a marathon is important! but just like anything really huge—running marathons, climbing mountains, completing huge projects—aftercare is a vital part of the experience. At Happy Family After, are honored to help new parents as you create your postpartum support squad!
About the Author:
Margaret Mason Tate is a writer and coach living in East Point, Georgia. She has been working in the counseling and coaching spaces for over fifteen years, and specializes in self-care, self-advocacy, and former Gifted & Talented kids who grew up and burnt out. Follow her on Threads and Instagram @margaretmasontate.
