Having a child is undoubtedly one of the most monumental and life-changing events in our lives. Going from one child to two or more is a decision that can be tough to make. First off, you want to make sure that your body is prepared for another pregnancy and that you’re ready to make the leap from one to two. Having multiple children means more fun, more love and more family time, but it can also make things harder on everybody. Whether you are just starting to consider it or are ready to start trying, it’s crucial that you consider how much this change could affect your day-to-day life.
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Here are some things to think through before deciding to have your next child.
- Think About Age Gap – One of the most common factors parents consider is the age gap between their children. While there is no one-size-fits-all ideal age gap between siblings — in fact, kids can forge tight bonds regardless of their difference in age — this is a crucial consideration for you as parents and the logistics of raising your children. For example, you might want to wait until your eldest is potty-trained so you are not changing two diapers at all times. Here are some questions to ask yourself before deciding on the right interval:
- What gap is safest? The World Health Organization recommends an ideal interval of 24 months and no fewer than 18 months between pregnancies, as this is the least risky for mom and baby.
- What kind of child is your eldest? Are they especially clingy or more independent? If you worry that they might become overly jealous or suffer behavioral problems due to the change, a larger gap may be best. Note that some regression and jealousy is totally normal, so don’t stress too much.
- Are you willing to pay for duplicate items? There is a practicality to having children close together. Hand-me-downs and shared gear can save you thousands when they are babies, kids and teens.
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- Talk to Your Partner – Having a child must be a mutually agreed-upon decision and both parents must be entirely on board. One parent feeling pressured into multiple children will only breed resentment. But if you are both on the fence and open to the idea, it’s crucial that you regularly engage in open dialogue — weighing the pros and cons and sharing each other’s viewpoints on the matter — to make the decision together.
- Look at the Budget – Realistically, having a child is as much a financial decision as it is a life decision. To put it bluntly: Parenthood is expensive. Childbirth alone costs more than $4,500 with insurance, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) reports that it costs $233,610 to raise a child through the age of 17. Of course, having a child should not be an issue of means, but you certainly want to make sure you are in a stable financial position before trying for a sibling.
- Can you afford to take time off work after the baby is born? Sadly, America is one of the only developed countries without a national statutory paid parental leave, so a baby more than likely means lost wages for you or your partner. Be sure to consider this in the overall cost.
- Can you afford to double or triple the cost of childcare? While there may be discounts for multiples, childcare and tuition costs go by child. That means you will have nearly double or triple the cost of childcare when you decide to have another. Be sure to calculate how much this will cost.
- Did you save clothing and gear from your first child? Hopefully you stashed away some hand-me-downs to prepare for another baby. Reusing gear can save you thousands when you have your next child.
- Be Realistic About Timing – Timing is so important when you are planning a family. As we all know, fertility decreases with age, both for women and men. While there are plenty of great scientific advancements and fertility supplements available to support chances of conception, it is important to be realistic about your age and your chances of getting pregnant.
If you are an older mother reaching her mid- or late-30s, it’s probably a good idea to start thinking seriously about having your next child so that you do not run into any serious fertility issues. Be sure to check with your doctor about your own unique situation and ask for their opinion on your chances of getting pregnant.
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- Ask Friends How They Knew – You have probably got multiple friends and family members who have several kids, so do not be afraid to ask them for their opinion on the matter and try to get a feel for how they knew they were ready for another child. Some parents say they just had a feeling and knew it was time, while others sat down with spreadsheets and calculators to figure it out strategically. Both approaches are totally OK, and talking to a broad range of parents will help you see that everything will work out as it should!
More Children Is Not the Only Choice
Remember, it is perfectly OK to have one child and, in fact, it’s becoming more and more common. Plus, studies show that only children are just as happy, intelligent and well-socialized as those with siblings, so try not to worry too much if more children simply are not in the cards for your family. No matter what you decide or when, you can rest assured knowing that it is the right decision as long as you spend enough time thinking it through and weighing all options.
