If your child has gone off to college, you’re probably still trying to adjust to not having them around. You’re probably also trying to figure out your role in their life now when they are no longer living under your roof but still need your support, even if they’re not always willing to admit it. The tips below all offer practical ways to help.
Help Them Budget
Money is one of the most challenging aspects of being a college student, from getting enough to pay for tuition and other expenses to understanding how to manage it. You can play a big part in this whether or not you taught them about finances as they grew up. Before they head off to school, sit down with them and help them make a budget that will stretch their student loans and other money until the semester ends. Even if you don’t really know yet exactly what their expenses will be, the act of sitting down and making the budget can give them a framework that they can adjust once they are away at school.
Arrange a Surprise
You know your kid best, but the kind of surprise that involves you showing up unexpectedly on campus to visit them is probably not the kind they are looking for. However, care packages and other novelties can help them feel close to home and give them something to look forward to. For example, you could arrange for them to get a monthly subscription box based on their interests. An international snack subscription box offers new and tasty snacks from all over the world once a month. This gives them something fun and unique that they can share with their roommate or others.
Agree on Communication
Your object should be to make sure your they have the chance to be independent while also letting them know that you are there for them if they really need you. You might feel the urge to text them every day or so to see how they are doing, but if they aren’t contacting you, this can mean that they are settling in. You might agree that you’ll have a family video chat once a week so that you stay in touch regularly without feeling as though you’re hovering. Another option might be a family group text chat.
Shift Your Role
When your child was in high school, you probably had the final say on most or all decisions in your child’s life. Once they are away at college, you can start to shift your role in their life from one in which you tell them what to do to one in which you listen to them, make suggestions and try to bring a new perspective but allow them to make their own decisions. This is an imperfect process. There will probably be times when you get more involved than you should be, but in general, you should start to think of yourself as more of an adviser. You may have to support them in there post-grad endeavors. You may find yourself googling “best in person mcat prep.” Who knows? The respect that this shows for your child’s judgment may also mean they are actually more likely to be open with you.
