Bringing a child into the world can be an inspiring experience, to put it mildly. It’s unlikely you’ll do anything this important (aside from having another child), again. However, it’s also true that with the right preparation, this should go smoothly and you’re sure to make a great parent.
To begin with, making certain your home is prepared and your hospital bag checklist has been properly fitted will help make the process easier, and give you the peace of mind you genuinely deserve. After all, focusing on having a child is a pretty major event to put it mildly, and you should be able to into it with the right support, care and preparation.
A good way to prepare is also to understand what life may be like as a new parent. This is something you can never deeply know until you go through it of course, but knowing how life might change can help you prepare for those changes in advance, intellectually, emotionally, and as you grow into yourself as a parent.
Let’s consider eight examples of this, together:
- Your amount of friendships will reduce, but the quality of your friendships will deepen.
It can be upsetting for new mothers to realize that older friends, especially those who aren’t parents, may not wish to be around as much as before. Having a child really does show you who your friends are, especially as you may not be as sociable as you were before just because of all the errands you have to take care of and how tired you may feel in your free time.
Never fear, because your friendships tend to deepen in quality when you become a parent. Those who stick around do so despite the new challenges and schedule needs. It’s a great way to show who really appreciated and cared for you to begin with. So don’t feel you’re less exciting or less magnetic a person just because you’re a parent, and remember that one good friend is all you need. On top of that, making friends with other Mums becomes so much more possible as a result.
- You tend to gain a sixth sense for your child.
It’s a strange feeling, but parents tend to know when their child is about to be upset, or when they need burping as opposed to feeding. If everything feels overwhelming and incredibly difficult to start, keep at it, and try to persevere.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. But do be aware that this feeling will change, and you tend to become more and more comfortable in the flow of parenting, with a sixth sense to get you through it.
- You’ll value sleep more than you ever have.
You tend to value sleep more than ever when you have a child, for obvious reasons. So, don’t be afraid to grab some additional shut-eye when you can.
Sleeping when your child is put down for an afternoon nap (with your baby monitor close by), and taking attending to them at night in turns with your partner will help you slowly get back to a good sleep schedule.
- You will feel tempted to ignore your own needs. Don’t.
Parents, especially mothers, tend to find it important to subdue their own needs so they can always care for everyone else. But don’t fall into that habit. Care for your own needs, too. Speak out if you feel sad or unhappy. Post-natal depression can be debilitating and it doesn’t speak ill of your character, but bottling up your worries can lead to stress which ultimately leads to a pressure valve being broken.
If you need to ask your parents to look after your child so you can attend a friend’s birthday bash, do so. Don’t be ashamed of having your own needs. The more you can look after number one, the better you can provide.
- You will become much more empathetic.
Having a child makes you realize that everyone around you was once a child, too. You tend to gain a deeper understanding of people and their fragility, and this opens up a wide array of empathy that you may not have had before.
Some parents even report that watching violent or horror movies after having a child becomes harder to deal with. It’s not hard to see why. So, don’t think you’re becoming weak or perhaps more brittle. You’re just developing as a person based on quite a humanizing experience.
- Relationships can become more difficult to maintain, but ultimately deeper and more rewarding.
The biggest mistake anyone makes is having a child just to fix a relationship. This is because babies are notorious strains, and this strain is often felt on the partnership between two people. Does this mean you’re going to have trouble with your partner? Most likely not, but it does mean you’ll need to help one another as best friends and allies more than anything else.
Consistent communication, care, and appreciation is how you continue through this period. It’s also important to do something nice for one another, like going out for a meal if you can, and supporting one another when exhausted. It can be hard to keep up a relationship during this time, but just like your friendships, your relations will deepen as a result.
- Your interests and passions tend to change.
It’s totally acceptable and normal for you to have different priorities as time goes on. You may not be as interested in fashion, or video games, or celebrity gossip as you develop as a parent.
You may become more interested in activities you can enjoy with your child, like walking in the park, attending play events with parents from your child’s preschool, or simple activities you can take up without much effort, like reading at night. Don’t be afraid that you’re ‘getting boring,’ you’re just shifting in your priorities and that’s certainly okay too.
- You are no longer the most important person in your life.
Before having children, we tend to be the most important person in our lives. It’s our life after all, and it’s from our perspective that we experience the world around us. So who else should we care about more aside from our families and closest friends?
When you have a child, all of that changes. All of a sudden, the orbit of your priorities no longer rotates around you and what you need. You would do anything for your child, even if that means putting yourself out or denying yourself in order to do it.
As mentioned above, don’t let allow this to cause you to take poor care of yourself, as that means you’re unable to care for anyone else as well. But it’s also okay to admit that our life priorities will deeply change as a result. When dating as a single parent, for instance, you immediately become much more concerned with authenticity and co-operation than you care about just having fun and being spontaneous.
It’s an odd feeling, not to be the person who matters most in your life. But this can deepen you emotionally, and also allows you to gain a thorough, bone-deep sense of purpose, perhaps for the first time in your life, even!
With this advice, you’re certain to see how a child changes you, and also how you can change to better care for your child. More than anything, don’t worry about this natural development. It’s natural and normal. In fact, resisting change or being opposed to it can be damaging, so allow yourself to shift, and don’t compare the new, wonderful life you’ve built for yourself to another.
