What is gaslighting and how can it affect your mental health? Find out how to how to deal with gaslighting and break free from this situation.
Gaslighting — How to Recognize It
Feeling unlike yourself lately? Do you feel isolated from your friends and family? Is your partner making you feel like your choices don’t make sense anymore?
If the above feelings sound familiar then you might be experiencing gaslighting.
Think about the phrases below:
- “You’re not making sense anymore”
- “That’s just your mind playing tricks on you”
- “I never did that” (when they definitely did)
- “Your family doesn’t even love you”
- “You’ll never succeed if you do it your way”
- “You are going crazy”
If you hear similar phrases from someone you love frequently, then you should know how to resist gaslighting, leave the situation out, and how online therapy can help you cope with your emotional struggles.
What Is Gaslighting and What Are the Forms It Takes?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse used by abusive partners who aim to control their victims. The abused person in many cases doesn’t have any clue that they are being gaslighted at first.
Gaslighting may take place in any social sphere and any type of relationship.
Gaslighting in Relationships Between Intimate Partners
An abuser is trying to exert control and strong influence over their victim. They do this by invalidating the abusee’s experiences, emotions, and feelings.
The phrases that a victim constantly hears from an abuser include:
- “You’re going crazy”
- “You’re too sensitive”
- “You should visit a psychiatrist”
- “I was just joking”
- “You are paranoid”
Once the person’s confidence is undermined, the abuser can easily manipulate their thoughts and actions.
Medical Gaslighting
Gaslighting in a clinical setting does occur. When a healthcare professional tells a person that their illness or real symptoms are “in their head,” they use gaslighting.
Child-Parent Relationships
Psychologically abusive parents can gaslight their children by pitting them against each other or playing favorites. Children who are gaslighted feel like they are unloved, unworthy, always at fault, and not good enough.
Racial Gaslighting
For example, the abuser tells the victim that they do not experience discrimination when they are. Or that the specific group of people is just too sensitive about the violation of their rights.
Institutional Gaslighting
Institutions or organizations can hide, subvert, or alter information in a bid to manipulate their employees or students.
In the case of gaslighting in the workplace, employees may not be aware of their full rights. Or, employers portray people aware of any illegal activities as mentally ill.
Political Gaslighting
Politicians can seek to draw attention away from their failures and shortcomings by:
- Discrediting facts and providing “alternative facts”
- Sowing doubt in the minds of the electorate through manipulation and lies
- Questioning the mental health and cognitive abilities of their opponents
Another method politicians use is to divert attention away from the truth is by generating false controversy.
How to Spot a Gaslighter
Gaslighters are often friendly people at first, acting like they have the victim’s best interests at heart. But they may use some hidden gaslighting techniques.
Their strategy often involves isolating, controlling, and manipulating the person. They do this without empathy or thinking about the consequences of their actions on the mental health of the person.
The abuser’s strategy also involves denial, misrepresentation, contradiction, or misdirection of facts. The result is to make the person question their sanity, memories, feelings, etc.
Gaslighting can be done either consciously or unconsciously.
If someone that you know or love constantly switching between complimenting you (when it suits them) and belittling you and questioning your abilities, you may be a victim of emotional abuse.
If so, it is time to stop gaslighting from taking its toll on you!
13 Signs of Gaslighting
So, how can you tell if you are being gaslighted? In many cases, the signs are subtle.
Here are 13 signals to watch out for:
- Your feelings, emotions, and opinions are always being belittled.
- You question your judgments, perceptions, & memories. You always second-guess decisions.
- You feel like you are always doing the wrong thing or that you can never be right.
- You always end up apologizing for anything.
- Conversations with the abuser are always deflected: “We can’t talk about this now” or “You shouldn’t ask about that.”
- Your sanity is questioned or you question it.
- You increasingly feel isolated, hopeless, & victimized.
- You may hardly recognize yourself anymore. People close to you may say that you have changed since last time.
- You increasingly defend the abuser’s negative behavior, lie for them, and make excuses for them.
- The gaslighter is always providing excuses for their wrongdoings.
- You always feel like you are being contradicted. Your gut is constantly speaking against you.
- You stop fighting for the things you love most. You are persuaded that goals and ambitions do not matter.
- You feel like you should walk away from a situation or relationship but simply can’t.
With this knowledge, an abused person can make an informed decision about what measure of help to seek and put an end to a relationship.
What Are the Long-Term Effects of Gaslighting?
Long-term gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse lead to depression, stress, anxiety, trauma, and PTSD. It can cause low self-esteem and warped self-image. The victim may entirely depend on the abuser for emotional support and validation.
The goal of a gaslighter is to destabilize and disorient the person such that they cannot distinguish truth from falsehood. Victims of gaslighting may eventually suffer and may show signs of a nervous breakdown and have suicide ideations.
5 Strategies to Deal with Gaslighting
Many victims don’t know how to deal with gaslighting since their thoughts, emotions, and decision-making abilities are over the control of an abuser.
Here are 5 clear strategies to take power back from an abuser:
Keep Focused on The Present and Reassure Yourself
A victim of gaslighting may feel powerless and unable to defend themselves anymore. They no longer trust their memories and feelings.
Focusing on how you feel at that particular moment while encouraging yourself to believe in your emotions and feelings provides both comfort and a grounding to the truth.
Remember to Interrogate Your Gut Instincts
Our intuition is our subconscious assessing the stimuli our minds receive. It serves to help us discern what is true and what isn’t. Therefore, develop a stronger trust in your intuition. Often, it’s pointing you in the right direction.
Always Keep Evidence for the Context
Gaslighters always have their version of events and always try to question the victim’s memories. Therefore, it may be necessary to keep evidence just to remind yourself you’re right.
Involve a Person You Can Trust
If your gut tells you that you are right but you know that your thoughts will be invalidated, maybe it is time to involve a third party. This can be a friend, a loved one, or someone you trust.
Abusers only have power when a person is isolated, therefore having someone join the interaction will limit the abuser’s reach.
Giving Relationships Up
The best way to deal with gaslighting and abuse in a relationship is to break up. An abuser may not change and gaslighting may transform into physical abuse.
It’s important to care for yourself and leave the situation safely. Your well-being and fulfilling life are a priority.
Try Mental Health Therapy and Get the Support You Need
Recovering from gaslighting effects solely on your effort is challenging. That’s why seeking help from online mental health professionals is vital. Try it to overcome emotional struggles, mental issues, and improve self-esteem and self-worth.
Thanks to e-therapists such as Calmerry, talking to a therapist is not only faster and cheaper, it is also more convenient for everyone who wants to get support privately.
If you or someone you know are in immediate danger of domestic violence, call 911 and seek emergency help. In any case, prioritize you and your well-being!
About the Author:
Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has been working in healthcare since 2017. She mainly treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, grief, identity, relationship, and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience is focused on individual and group counseling.
Follow Kate here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-skurat-5348381b9/
