Being a single mother raising a son might be easy if you know how to do it correctly. There are many problems that every mom faces raising a son without a father. It is essential to solve them step-by-step to bring up a fair young man. Every mother who raises a son on her own needs to be aware of the main rules of how to bring up her kid without being controlling and manipulative.
Raising a boy begins at an early age and continues till your son becomes, at least, 16 years old. First of all, you will need to teach your son how to take care of his body well. Once you are done, you can move to solve more complicated issues like understanding and ¨absorbing¨ good male role models that he will use throughout his all life.
One more serious issue in raising a boy is the fact that many sons tend to think that they are the man of the house which is not necessary. Dealing with each of these issues should be your top priority when you are raising a young man. In this guide, we will help you to raise a real man with the best qualities.
What are the sons of single mothers’ traits?
Every boy raised by a single mother has his traits, unlike other boys. For instance, the vast majority of such boys tend to be more independent and take the initiative in household chores. They want to feel as if they are a man of the house. However, single moms and sons might have many conflicts because of such traits. Therefore, a single mother of a boy needs to teach her male kid to be wise when it comes to taking responsibility for some activity and learn to lean on her more before he becomes an adult.
To add more, every boy must understand that he is not the one to control others. He should learn to be a kid and accept love from his mom. Only then, he will be able to grow up effectively so that he will not behave like an infant in the future trying to compensate for these years of childhood. It is necessary to help your boy to feel like a kid when he is a kid for his mental health. Just let him enjoy his childhood to the fullest but keep on bringing him up without too much pushing.
Why do single mothers destroy their sons?
Many moms raising sons have a toxic impact on them. They do lots of unwelcome things, destroying their sons. For example, single mothers with sons may speak negative words about their boys´ father, say negative things about men, teach them to disrespect their fathers´ authority, project their anger at the father onto the son, try to bring in substitutes for a father, not allowing their sons to see their fathers, teaching their sons to be emotional, not teaching their boys to have boundaries, not teaching them coping skills, and more.
The main reason why single mothers destroy their sons is pain because of the abuse that their ex-partners might have made. To escape from this vicious circle of toxicity, every single mom must learn how to raise their minding balance. It means that they must not be either too strict or too soft. For example, it is ideal to have discipline in the house but it would be better to avoid harsh punishments. However, the most important step for every single mom is to cope with their pain. A good therapy might be a good fit for single mothers with sons.
How to raise your son to be a good man: Tips for a single mom raising a boy?
Raising a boy without a father is not a nightmare. If you are dreaming of raising a real gentleman, there is good news for you – it is possible and achievable to do it! The most important thing about raising your boy is that you are an example for him. No words will help you if you do not do the things you say to him yourself.
Therefore, try to make sure that all the things you teach your boy do as well. For example, if you want to teach your boy to cope with grief effectively, you will need to know how to do it and practice it too. Just set an example for your boy and he will learn and follow you. Kids tend to copy their parents more than you think, so be a good example for them. If you have a few boys, you will also need to consider their peculiarities. So let’s learn how to raise a boy as a single mom!
Be supportive and warm.
All single moms with sons need to learn to be supportive and warm. It means that whenever your boy fails in a certain activity, you will need to show him that you love him no matter what. You may kiss or hug him and say that it is alright. Remember that you are the closest person to your boy in the world, so make him feel accepted and appreciated. Of course, you need to motivate him to do better, but the point is that you will need to be right where he is when he needs it the most. This is the first step on how to raise your son to be a man.
Learn what makes boys tick.
Some boys might tick in a single mom-and-son relationship. It means that a mother might do everything in the household while her boy refuses to do anything or promises to do it but never does. It is a matter of self-respect. In other words, when a single mom learns how to respect herself, her son will check it out. The earlier she does it, the better it will be for both mother and son.
Find a physical activity you both enjoy.
Raising a boy as a single mother is not the most boring thing in the world. Whether you’re at home or you’re on holiday, іf you find an activity that seems to be interesting for both of you, you will have fun. For instance, you might consider attending the same class or participating in activities together during your single parent holiday. If it is karate, visit these classes together. You will learn many new aspects of your son’s life if you do it. The more you get to know each other, the better. Moreover, it is beneficial to find a physical activity you both enjoy because it builds healthy friendships between you two.
Talk kindly about his dad.
Many single moms do the same mistake – they keep on saying bad things about the boy´s father. As a result, the son feels guilty for his father´s drawbacks and flaws and has low self-esteem. Such a boy will never be able to create a happy family in the future because of a feeling of lack of self-worth. In order not to have such consequences for your kid, you would better stop saying negative words about your ex even if it still hurts or your boy reminds him of something.
Boys Need Independence.
Every girl and boy needs independence but boys need it extremely. They need to have freedom in everything they do and cannot stand any limits and boundaries. Boys hate manipulation and control. Never try to intimidate your son because you may lose his trust. Instead, try to build your relationship on a solid ground of understanding, love, care, friendship, truth, and wisdom. Clarify to your son that independence does not mean doing whatever he wants but having the freedom to do the right things. Teach your kid to tell right from wrong and they will use their freedom correctly not making irreversible errors.
Help him find his favorite thing and encourage him.
When you are raising a boy, it would be better to help him navigate through his life in the future and be able to focus on the proper things. So you will have to help him find his ¨passion¨ and follow his dreams. By doing this, you will help him discover his talents and practice using them. As a result, your son may even begin to receive higher scores at school. You must help your boy with it before the streets teach him the opposite.
Be willing to leave your comfort zone.
It may be complicated to keep on teaching and helping your boy but it is worth doing. It will pay off finally if you leave your comfort zone and work harder bringing up your son. No one said that it would be easy but if you ignore and just let your boy leave whatever way he wants it may end up horribly. Get ready pull yourself together and even cry at night because raising a boy may require emotional strength. Just stop thinking that your boy was just born this way and nothing will change him.
Let your son be a child or teenager (not “the man of the house”)
It is impossible to turn back time and compensate for it. Your boy must be a child or teenager and enjoy all the benefits and blessings of this age to have a beautiful life. Therefore, do not make him take too much responsibility and let him do certain activities that are appropriate for his age. For example, you may let him spend his time with his friends instead of helping you in the garden. When you do this, he will remember you as a wise mother who understands his needs. So you will trust each other more.
Look for good male role models.
Finding good male role models is your next task. When it comes to dating as a single mother, it is important to find positive male role models, who look like ideal men and keep on highlighting his qualities to your son. For instance, it may be a neighbor or a movie character who behaves like a real man. Just emphasize what qualities each man must have and tell your kid whom he needs to follow. Even if your boy refuses to do it because he might have his heroes, you will positively impact him and he will remember your ideas.
Talk, talk, talk to your son.
Communication is key between a boy and a mother. If you learn to talk to your son every day, you will raise a man who is caring, gentle, supportive, and understanding. For such a man, it would be easy to find a common language with any woman and build healthy relationships with his charming lady. The more you talk to him, the better it is for his emotional life. As a result, your son will always be sincere with you and never hide his true feelings which is great.
Books for single moms raising sons
None of us is born with all the knowledge and wisdom about everything. Often, we need pieces of advice from someone with expertise and experience. If it comes to raising sons as a single mom, it would be better to get to know how to bring up your boy knowing all the nuances. The perfect way to be equipped to do this is through reading books for single mothers raising sons. Once you are aware of how to deal with complicated issues, you will raise a good man.
The books for single moms raising sons are full of practical aspects and will help you find a common language with your boy easily. Some moms neglect it and try to raise a son ignoring reading books which is a big mistake. The more you know about potential stumbling points, the healthier your relationship with your son will be. Being wise in raising a son means learning how to do it correctly. The best way to be wise is via reading books. Here we offer you a list of a few books about raising sons as a single mother. Check them out!
Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men
Rating: 4,7
Description: This book by Meg Meeker, mother of four, helps to rebuild or strengthen your relationships with your son. With this practical advice, education, and encouragement, you will raise an extraordinary son. He will become a man the way he is meant to be with wisdom, support, and proper self-esteem. Here are presented the best ways to survive the hardest moments.
Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You
Rating: 4,7
Description: In this book, you will explore how moms may equip their sons with the most they need to succeed in their lives. There are insights for mothers in the boy-raising journey and many topics are covered starting from technology and the influence of friends to helping your boy grow to be emotionally, spiritually, and physically strong. The book is packed with encouragement, resources, practical advice, and wisdom.
Raising Sons of Promise: A Guide for Single Mothers of Boys
Rating: 4,5
Description: Even though single mothers and their sons might be hurt, there is a way out for them that includes being healed thanks to God’s promises. As a result, a son will become a healthy man, a good husband, and a strong father. The author, Roland Warren, offers his wisdom and guidance to single moms who want to raise sons that will keep and make their commitments.
Single Moms Raising Sons: Preparing Boys to Be Men When There’s No Man Around
Rating: 4,4
Description: There are many challenges that a single mom faces each day but the biggest of them is the lack of the right male role model to set the example for their boys. The author, Dana S. Chisholm, claims that it is important to partner with God who is the father of all the fathers. She teaches them to find strength and wisdom in Christ to raise their boys.
Conclusion
Keep in mind that it is not easy to raise a boy who will be a good man, husband, and father in the future. Indeed, it is a great responsibility that requires lots of effort. Also, there might be days when you may feel like giving up, but you should not do it because you are not alone. Even if it seems like the world is against you, there is hope.
Reading books will help you find inner strength and inspiration to keep going and raise a man of honor. When you read the books mentioned above, you will get several insights about your relationship with your son as well as practical pieces of advice that will assist you in the journey of raising a son. Just be proactive and try to find solutions when it’s possible to do. These books will help you speed up this process so that you will enjoy a harmonious life with your young man. To sum up, it is possible to raise a real man, but you might need assistance from someone who is more experienced in this field.
Hope you enjoyed this guide and found the book you like the most!
